Have not posted in a while..

Well its a while since i last posted..the keids are still growing like weeds and ready to start school. Austin is starting his last year of school..WOW where has the time gone?

Friday

Well its Friday and as usual I have done a terrible job of staying current on my blog. Things have been so busy with the move and unpacking and getting the house set up. I will post tonight with pics and all..stay tuned

Keeping your kids safe

Warning this post will be long and may upset some people.

The point of this post is to keep your Kids safe from psychical and emotional hate crimes.


I came across a blog today that really brought up a ton of emotions for me. I will first post the blog and then post my reply to that blog. After that I will talk about some things that are going on with my kids and their school and what we have done to protect our kids.



"Today it occurred to me, that predators we should fear where our children are concerned are not just those who physically abuse our babies, but those who emotionally and spiritually damage them. Those predators come in all shapes and sizes and claim to be Christians. They even come in our homes in their suits and ties with gospel messages and prayers they leave with our families. And yet, they do not practice what they preach. Those very people will actually lie to our children, hurt their feelings and send them home in tears. Those very people will be reasons why our children will not want to attend church or go to scouts or other activities. Those very people will plant seeds of doubt and anger in our children. Those people who are supposed to be members of our ward families, who we are supposed to turn to in our times of need and distress. Who should be helping us nurture these children and overcome these obstacles we face. I know I have done what I can to love the children in my ward. I have taught them in primary and welcomed them in my home and loved them as my own. I have shown them love and kindness. Sadly, that has not been returned to my babies.

I speak from experience when I say that words and actions can hurt young and tender feelings. I had church leaders say harsh and unkind things to me when I was young. Unwarranted things that I had such a struggle to overcome, even into my adulthood. One careless adult can derail a well intended youth, especially one that is hurting already.

We were placed in wards to support and uplift each other because no parent is perfect. I believe I am a good mother with good intentions and I think my kids are good kids. We are struggling right now, but I don't think my kids are acting out in unusual or destructive ways. However, if they feel abandoned by those they trust, they could. I feel my only option is to lock down even further to protect them the best way I know how. Lock out the bad and the careless. I already fear for them when they leave my home to go to school. I spend a lot of time at the school and on the phone with teachers. Now I'm worried when they go out to play with neighborhood friends because I obviously can't trust the adults in my neighborhood to make wise decisions in how they treat my babies. Will I be able to trust that they will be treated well in primary or will I have to follow them there as well?

I'm so disappointed right now. My children are my life. I love and value all children. How could anyone think to treat them badly?" 

I am also a victim of this type of hate crime and let me tell all these years later it really has made a impact in how I go about life.

My Reply to the the post above. 


"I am a 36 year male that was not born into the church (joined at the age of 11).. I am a victim of what you wrote about not just from the adults but from their kids as well. When I was 15 I was ran over by a car load of older kids from the ward and was told to get out of the church..

When I went to the bishop and my parents they did nothing about it so needless to say to I dropped out the church and moved out of my Mom's house at of 16.

The saga did not end once I grew up or had my own family

I now have 4 kids (all boys)and despite everything that happened I still had great memory of the churches youth program and wanted the same for my boys. So while living in Las Vegas a few years back my wife and decided to have our boys attended a few services and the scout program. Since I am a Eagle Scout I was asked to to be the Cub Master..all was going great till my 4th son was about to be delivered and my wife started to have complications and put on bed rest. I let the bishop know that I was going to have to take care of my wife so I need to take a short break form leading the scouts.

Once my son was born my sons and I were ready to to start going to scouts again. We showed up at the start time ..a bit early so that that I could set up and get caught up. well the start time came and went and no one showed up. I started calling around and soon found out that the ward was split up into a couple more wards..I was never contacted of the change by the bishop or any of the leadership (EVER).

So at that point I decided that I would not subject my kids to the same hatred I went though due to not being born into the church.

I hope your able to work things out and keep your kids guarded from hate crimes. "


What the post has made me realize.
Most may or may not know that Mandi and I (twin sister) are not close anymore in fact its been over a year since I have talked or even seen her.I feel Mandi chose to let me leave our mom's house alone and stayed in the church/ward that condoned the hate crime that I endured.Our relationship has been total crap since. It is very sad. thinking about it as I type I guess I am to blame mostly I guess I can not forgive her for letting me down.After 15 years its shocking that I am just now figuring this out.I guess I do not know how to forgive her. How does one let something like that go?..Family should always stick by you.. but a twin ..A twin is truly your other half.. the support system between twins should be off the charts...HOW DO I GET PAST THIS?

This type of emotional abuse is not limited to churches or youth groups It can and does happen in the your child's schools.

As you all know our kids are 16 ,11, 7 and 4  and we have being dealing with school issues with either teachers,other kids or the fact that we have  2 kids so far that do not fit in the schools teaching style..in other words square pegs in a round hole teaching system.

Square pegs in a round hole teaching system.
Now I am not saying that either peg is wrong or right all I am saying is there are two (or more) different styles and it seems that it is expected that the child change instead of the school system. I have a learn disability and know first hand that the child is not the one that has to change. It has been our experience that if the child does not change their style they will  have a very rough road ahead of them that is inflected by the schools.

When our oldest was in first grade or so it was very clear he is a square peg. Things got so bad that he ran away from the school during lunch time. Cari and I were young parents and did what we thought was right at the time but after many years later and more issues with different schools we have realized we did not do enough. We have learned from each and every issue over the years and I made a promise to myself that I would never let the school systems hurt my children again.

Our 11 and 7 old started to go to a visual and performing arts school mid school year last year... All was great. This year everything for both kids started to unravel very quickly..the first thing we learned was that Parker our 7 year old is a square peg and the teacher had very hard time with that fact. Parker started to react to the teachers displeasure that he was different and did not learn like the rest of the kids.I also think this was partly due to he is very bright maybe to bright for the grade and partly due to he sees ad learns things his own way. Once he stated to react to the teachers over reacting and punishing him he start to act out. During this time he was a victim and attacked by 5-10 Hispanic girls. the girls formed a circle around him and started to hit and kick Parker.The play ground proctors either know these girls or because they are also Hispanic chose to put the blame on Parker. the Vice Principle was very difficult to deal with and he was saying that both sides are to blame. as you can see trying to short this mess out was very frustrating. The school really did nothing other then put the blame Parker. During this one of the girls told her dad that Parker hit her during the circle attack so the Dad decided to confront parker during lunch recess(on the play ground). Dakota our 11 yr old saw this and went running over there to protect his brother. The noon duty's did nothing so Dakota ran Parker to the office to report it. The school did not call us or call the police we had to hear from the boys on the way home. after 3 days of talking and getting very upset at the school they changed their parent sign in policy.

Shortly after this or during this Dakota started to have issues with a teacher. This female teach is ex Marine that seems to feel its better to rule with a iron fist than encourage and mentor the kids. The issue flared up due to the fact that Dakota for the last 3 years has suffered from debilitating headaches that cause him to pass out and vomit. When he has these it will cause him to miss multiple days of school. Even thou we have doctor notes this teacher just would not work with us and allow  him to make up the work After talking to the Administration he was allowed to make up the work but the teacher still gave him failing grades or half credit on the work. After going to the principle about this things got much worse.

After many months of dealing with both issues we decided enough was enough and it was  emotionally hurting the boys  to attend the school. When trying to talk with the schools administration we had two different results .
1) the Principle sided with our point of view (or at least thats what she was telling us)
2) the Vice Principle had a passive aggressive manner and punished the kids instead of dealing with the issues.
The last conversation I had with the VP I had enough and told him he has no business dealing with kids and I will be asking for his resignation.. and called the district offices and start the process. The next day I get a call from the Principle and boy she was not happy with my conversation with the VP or that I went to the district. She claims I threatened the VP by telling him I want his resignation and then let me know her sister is a Vice President  at my work.She proceed to tell me that since I spoke to her VP during business hours she would be calling her Sister the VP at my office and get me fired.  and Yes she made good on that and made the call. .

Long story short I still have my job (so far) and we have pulled the boys from the district. they have started homeschooling this week.

NEVER LET ANYONE HURT YOUR KIDS weather it is psychical or mental.